I want to pay for what I done these years

[Gustavo6046]

Recently I have been talking with people over IRC because I only do bad stuff and I don't want people to suffer from it.

Chat

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<Gustavo6046> Don't you guys care if I kill myself like I should since the beginning? I only do shit... :(
<Gustavo6046> I shouldn't really be annoying you guys right now. That's why I want to kill myself -- for the good of you guys...
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<Gustavo6046> Oh wait
<Gustavo6046> that's just a messy idea.
<Gustavo6046> but I really only do shit. :( Not that I want to kill myself.
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<nik> maybe mapping is just not for you
<Gustavo6046> I mean, I was losered twice from Doomworld and I am a foe of a community pillar in UT99.org -- because I really do shit!
<Gustavo6046> I don't know how to be social, and I shouldn't exist, because I only annoy people and... you know.
<nik> dont post your shit then until you get better
<Hamish> i believe in you gustavo
<Gustavo6046> I WON'T get better because I CAN'T! You don't know how it is to be a Asperger that fucking annoy people, and fucking just want friends but can't.
<nik> you are 12
<Gustavo6046> Good age to...
<nik> dont blame asperger
<Hamish> ^
<Hamish> You should use your asperger powers to make good maps bro
<Gustavo6046> wait just a second... where is everyone, like Sean, etc, you know, these guys that keep saying I'm a bad guy?
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<Sean> idk 
<Gustavo6046> nevermind
<Gustavo6046> I won't see them anyway... never more... once I DIE
<Gustavo6046> I mean, not I die.
<Gustavo6046> Something else..
<Hamish> suicide is nothing to joke about
<Gustavo6046> I am not going to suicide! 
<Gustavo6046> I am just going to cry...
<Sean> ok
<Hamish> over doom?
<Gustavo6046> I want to pay for what I done these years just annoying everyone...
<Gustavo6046> and doing shit...
<Hamish> dude i was lippy in the zd community i know them feels!!!! annoying ppl is funny
<Gustavo6046> because I won't get better because... I don't know, I just don't know how to behave and be social...
<Sean> well if I were you I'd admit my mistakes to the community and promise to try to behave
<Sean> but whatever floats your boat
<Gustavo6046> Now that I learned of UT99, maybe these guys won't be harmed for a long time... until I return to Doom, that is.
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<nik> anyone saw daedalus in the last weeks/months?
<Gustavo6046> The Cat knows how it is to be annoyed and having to kick/ban someone a lot of times. I don't want him to suffer the same again.
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Kelly knows what it feels like to be annoyed. Everyone here knows that I am just a fucking random guy that don't know to do nothing good, I don't mean maps or that, I mean being social, being good with people, not annoying everyone like I do. I just want to frickin pay for what I done because I only do... you know what!

Sorry if this message hurted you, I just wanted to share my feelings with people so they know that their suffering will end with me. I just want the best for you guys.

Sorry if this isn't allowed (I didn't know), if so then please just delete this thread and forget that this ever existed. Just know that I won't do bad for long.

EDIT: Please note I'm NOT going to suicide! Suicide is much, but much far from my plans.

[ANUBITEK]

Homie. Your biggest problem just appears to be you can't stop posting/talking. Just control that and you'll be fine.

Just shut up, hang your head, take a seat, and observe the community. I'm not the paragon of all that is great either (cross posting, double posts, 1001 updates) but it is easy to fix.

tl;dr Watch the community and learn.

the universe is a hologram
ayy lmao

[Gustavo6046]

thanks for the tips

[aZ.Boy]

Hello Gustavo6046,

I'm not following up with all the details therefore my opinion is raw at this point... in my opinion if nobody is appreciating the work you are doing you can either try to:

1. improve the work you are doing.
2. move on and use your time to do something else.

You can always try to understand what the people don't like in your work, feedback from others help you to improve and you can learn this way even though sometimes it might sounds harsh or negative but nobody learn from the first trial or does awesome stuff from the first trial just be patient and try to understand what you are required to do to make your work acceptable if you are really into it.

You shouldn't take the words so serious or getting emotional over it from the internet, seriously just try to think about the positive things and ignore the negative feeling. the internet isn't the best place to express our feelings or to reach an understanding due to many reasons such as language barrier and misunderstanding each other.

[sektor2111]

In some moments given my origins I can deal somehow well with "Latin" people as with "Slavic" because my language includes common things, however, other types don't really get what I'm trying to say at a moment because they aren't Latin and neither Slavic. Okay ! G00gle is goofing as well at this point and it wants to look a smart ass after all, claiming that he knows everything but it doesn't.

And for these feelings and my understanding:
First of all you must be rich if you wanna pay for what you've done - I know people which were staying away just because you spam forum with no stuff. You can quit this idea and nobody will bite you.
Secondary - IMPORTANT - you are everywhere doing nothing. First, you did a map (I was almost to say WOW) and later you morphed it into a mess. "Anyone can test this ?" Nope ! YOU WILL TEST IT. If it doesn't work for you, then it won't work for others as well - some little tiny things may differ here but mainly THIS is your job. STOP lying as well will help you. You were speaking about a sort of programming hobby listing things. Well, UScript is a high Level language in your opinion ? Your first snippets posted could not be even compiled being only strings - why they were posted then ? How about the rest ? Why am I supposed to believe you ?
It would be better to make a simple thing functional tested by you, then shared with explanations rather than what you do - and quit talking about things which you don't even know what they are.
Take your time and educate yourself and... feel free to be a cunt - you won't be disturbed so much but you'll see people using your stuff and being glad approving you in background without whistles and bells.

[Red_Fist]

I see no problem, everyone is different.

[Dr.Flay]

Bless you Gustavo, we have had real problem people here and in the grand scale of stuff, you would be maybe a mere inconvenience.
Youth and Aspergers do not help with Patience, or to see the big picture.
You are making the same mistakes we all had to make years ago (you are just in a rush to make them all at the same time).
Just accept that there are more to come, and the oldest farts here also still makes mistakes, so why worry or hurry (you should have another 80 years to get it right).
You remind me of my friend that is a very good 3D modeller and saw me using UEd3 so thought he could remake our town.
He has had to give up on (or broken) almost every UT map he started so far, because he is expecting too much of his ability with this new tool set.
I told him several times "You must unlearn everything that you have learned young Skywalker".

Silicon Valley and modern tech would not exist without the power of Aspergers.
Linus Torvalds, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs would not have been able to do what they did without it.

Please stop using Aspergers as an excuse or shield. I do not.
Yes I use it to explain to people why I don't understand them, or why they do not understand me.
Then we try again but start with the basics.
I found out in my 30s, and suddenly everything made a lot more sense, but it meant I had to change the way I deal with people and the world.

You need to become a keen people-watcher and learn how the other humans make choices, succeed, fail, learn, and do not learn.
Do not feel that you should be copying any of them, only store everything for the 1 day it is useful.
Stop assuming that they are wrong and you are right. Check the facts of what you are so desperate to say, before saying it.
This may mean you don't get to say anything (better to say nothing, than something you regret).
That is not easy and takes a long time, and in my 40s I still struggle.

Know this now. Your life will be difficult even when life is comfortable, because we create most of our problems.
We often share the symptoms of Bipolar and OCD sufferers all of our life.
This can (and will) involve fixations or addictions to really dumb and mundane things.
Make yourself change your fixation to another thing (no need to kill it off, you can always come back), this will make it easier to move on from a problem you cannot solve (we tend to keep hacking at a problem until it breaks. better to step away).
Eventually this can be routed into making the most perfect map or product you can.

Acknowledge which end of the Aspergers scale you are at while you work.
Some of us can only see the small details of things (how it works), and others only the bigger picture (why it works).
Aspergers people can be both but never do both at the same time, and so always miss half of the picture. We cannot see this because we are inside the picture.
Spend your time concentrating on your weaknesses, not your strengths.

Aspergers people find it easy to pick up a small amount of info and run with it.
Mapping is a mix of skills, and so you must concentrate on 1 thing at a time until you know every mistake you can make.
You will make mistakes and you must make them, or you will not learn.
Like I said before, we have to learn to people-watch because we do not learn from other peoples mistakes.

UEd2 has a lot of problems that are not learned at the beginning (and sometimes never), and this means you will have to scrap certain maps once you realise you can't go back.
You will only know how to solve these problems when you have had them (and why you must make these mistakes).
BSP errors come in several styles and can be created long before you see it create a visual problem.
Some of these can be fixed later, some cannot.
The order in which you copy, add or remove brushes can cause problems. Even basic functions such as rotating or scaling a brush can be a problem.
There is no 1 way to fix any problem in UEd, as it depends on how it happened and how much you are prepared to compromise.

Because you are trying to do to much too fast, you are adding errors from several sources before they are spotted.
You need to make a bunch of boring stuff that never gets released. You need to go to UEd school.
Most of us started with some tutorials and worked through them. You have come from another game, partly equipped and educated.
I understand you have not wanted to start from the beginning, so try some exercises.
Try just making a map with no scripts, no movers and no teleports, but go crazy. Learn the different types of BSP.
Take an existing map, choose a theme and do a re-skin. Learn about using textures at different scales and the use of transparencies, multi-textures and footstep sounds.
Take a good map you like that has no pathing, and path it. Learn how to make the action flow so that bots navigate quickly and do not get stuck. Learn how to make the bots use lifts and alternative paths without getting lost.
Take a complete BSP map that has no decos, and use some deco packs to set a theme or enhance the look. Go crazy, and (quickly) learn the limitations. Learn how many is too many, how to make them static, reactive, heavy, light, float, bouncy and shootable, how to use the cylinder collision, how to ignore the cylinder collision and use blocking volumes, how to mix BSP and decos (eg. trees).

You should start to notice that you are better at, or enjoy certain tasks in UEd, and while working with someone else's good maps, you should start to notice seemingly strange choices of BSP brush, zone sheets and actors. Investigate these and you will see how others have solved or avoided problems.
Some things done in UEd will be so opposite to what you think you know, it sometimes feels like Epic were having a laugh.

Finally (finally!), you won't be making error free maps in UT ever, because it is not possible.
Learn from your mistakes and In 2 or 3 months time you will be able to make good maps with minimal errors, as long as you learn how you created the errors.
I know you think you can learn quicker than that, but next December you will look back at this year and realise how much more you still have to practice.

[rjmno1]

Well when you chat with someone, i sometimes feel good about that.
In then meaning of where is that guy how old is he and where does he comes from.
When i talk to someone and he does react with a possitive words mine feelings are good about that person.
Its the same way when ill have a quik shat on ut 99 while playing siege or dm or ctf.
What i mean to say we are all people and be kind to eachother.
And ofcourse we are all online on the internet adicted to ut 99 or not we are all the same.
And remember all trying to be nice to eachother without knowing how old that person is or where he live.
And be gentle to eachother.

[Gustavo6046]

OK, now I should be gentle, and I should work slow and hard in my work, if I read this correctly?

[JackGriffin]

For fuck's sake this is not a preschool. No one needs to be told how to act.
Flow chart:

If you can't be adult: Leave
If you can't listen or take advice: Leave
If you want to participate then work at your skill level.
When you fuck up (and everyone does) then you own it and don't do it again.

I've been really good, I've stayed quiet and behaved. That shit will fly out the window faster than a redeemer missile if this place makes me have to keep wading through these "How do I act? What should I do?" posts...

Here's what you can do: Grow the fuck up so we don't have to read any more of your immature ramblings. If you can't sit at the big boy table then go back to tumblr or 8chan. They appreciate this but it's getting really tiresome here.

[UTX]

You go, Jack, show that kid the real world.
But seriously, Gusboy, you're twelve, you just got here, I mean the world, don't take it all seriously. You want to be a good mapper? You want to know how to be social? Then do your research, there's Google, take your time, practice, practice, practice, and when you think you're good, go and practice some more. Don't be so dramatic, and it's not the end f the world if you mess up a couple of times. Just make a new account, learn English and move on.

[JackGriffin]

UT99.org is far from the real world. It is however someplace that needs to keep it's level high if it expects to attract quality developers. Look what happened to BUF, that place is a ghost town aside from the completely retarded off-topic section. That can easily happen here too if things are not properly cultivated.

Also, if he really is 12 then someone needs to google COPPA if any of this passes through US servers.

[Gustavo6046]

COPPA?

Oh yeah, but I'm not from US.

Please, this is not a crap thread and I don't deserve people being unfair! I'm just trying to do my best over here!
Jack's help was NOT ignored in that blender animations thread. I used it. I forgot to thank, just that!

Ok let me lock this. I shouldn't have posted this shit.

[papercoffee]

Ok let me lock this. I shouldn't have posted this shit.

And now read what Dr.Flay has wrote 7 posts before ...afterwards let this thread die (don't post) and keep on going.
Sheesh... we don't need this drama here.

[Red_Fist]

"take your time, practice, practice, practice, and when you think you're good, go and practice some more"


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